J*A*S*M

A nerve wrecking battle between Zeus, the highest god of the Greek gods, and Marduk, the highest god of the Akkadians, takes place in the background of a intimate drama about a young boy who finds himself in an unknown place and is forced to mature. This original take on Greek mythology, combined with the daily lives of ordinary American high school pupils offers a unique and unforgettable experience. Unfortunately, I was so excited that I couldn’t wait until the cinema release and I watched (the whole!!!) film in an available DVDRip. The thematically similar Clash of the Titans will have it very difficult in April. Now seriously, Little Hercules is very likely the worst film that has ever made it to Czech cinemas, and probably also the worst film that I’ve come across in any other type of distribution, and that’s why I had to get it. The guilty pleasure potential is so massive that I seriously considered one star, but it would have been a shame to disrupt that fully black column. Given that I often come across zero-budget, amateur horror films, Little Hercules was not the shock it must be for most other people, but I would still recommend them to go to the cinema, I don’t think they will have another opportunity to see something unknown on the big screen any time soon. Czech film websites will have funny reviews again, I’m looking forward to them… :-D

It’s been very long since I watched I Know What You Did Last Summer, so I wouldn’t swear on it, but for what I remember, Sorority Row can’t hold a candle to it. A forgettable slasher whose best attributes are, hum, the posters :-)

Peter Jackson has lost his sense and has become a shallow megalomaniac with a tendency towards the kitsch. When it comes to the shallowness of the dialogues, Lovely Bones is like Emmerich’s 2012, and I’m not exaggerating, but in a wannabe intense drama this is a lot worse. Are we supposed to laugh with that scene about the clumsy grandma? It actually reminded me of that cringe-worthy Czech film Panská Jízda with Martin Dejdar. Is the film portraying coming to terms with the loss of a family member with dad letting himself be beaten up, mum going somewhere to the countryside to pick apples and the siblings behaving as if nothing had happened? Is Jackson taking the piss? The direction and performances are excellent, but what’s the point when every word uttered by the characters made me want to plug my ears and shake my head at how shallow and fake it sounded. When the smiling kids start walking among the cornrows, I was reminded of the terrible final scene of Knowing (but at least the plot of that one had some balls) and I just wrote off the film and decided to have fun with every incoming cliché for the rest of the runtime. PS: Anyone who dares to compare this film with The Fountain (it shares only part of the theme and Rachel Weisz), either positively (it’s just as good), or negatively (it’s just as bad), or to rate the visuals and the story better than Avatar’s is either stupid or blind. PS2: This is the same guy that made Braindead, OMG!

It’s a decent and average thriller, but I have a big issue with its supernatural elements. I’m OK with the donated heart’s forcing the receiver to take revenge on the murderer of the donor, but (and spoiler alert!) that the dead heart comes to life when it hears the screams of its beloved, whose life is in danger (end of spoiler), that’s no paranormal activity, that’s a fairytale. Whatever, I had quite some fun and I really loved the last scene. 3*

That was awesome! A hard, unpleasant and very intense psychological drama. I’ve just watched it and I feel as if Haneke had ran me over with a steamroller. The White Ribbon is a truly impressive mosaic of relationships in an Austrian village before WWI that reveals the origins of human hatred and corruption. It’s almost like a realistic Twin Peaks.

I can’t remember when was the last time I fancied so much wringing the necks of film characters. Awesome!

Even though I didn’t watch the Danish original, I was able to figure out how the story would develop after ten minutes or so, and that’s pretty much all I can criticise Brothers for. A strong topic, excellent direction and brilliant performances by the main trio. Some of the final scenes strongly reminded me of last year’s performances of Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in Revolutionary Road. Maguire’s character gave me goosebumps several times and I can imagine him in a psychological horror film. Strong four stars.

Not even the occasional magic atmosphere can make up for the stupid and clichéd story. That said, the cop that miraculously shows up wherever he’s needed was fun.

Solid picture. Case 39 will surely be compared to Orphan, but it’s more horror, more B-movie, and also weaker. The main problem is that whereas Orphan had the likeable Vera Farmiga and the demonic performance of Isabelle Fuhram, in Case 39 Renée Zellweger is likeable only alternately (really, my feelings for the heroine changed every five minutes) and Jodelle Ferland is very unconvincing. Alvarta does show some talent, but he still has a lot to improve. I have mixed feelings due to several moments that disrupt an otherwise proper horror experience and they appear with ironclad regularity throughout the film. I’d really love to know what happened in the three years that passed since the film was made, because the trailers have a pretty interesting scene that never appears in it, and also a couple of scenes that I don’t think belong there, considering the plot.

Even after all the Italian horror films I’ve seen, I’m still not sure whether the Italians are really such bad actors and screenwriters, or whether the blend of bland and incredibly theatrical performances, together with downright stupid scenes in otherwise smart films is some sort of dubious artistic intent. Torso has all of that, but there’s something that makes it stand apart, this is the first Giallo (and maybe even the first Italian horror film) that made me feel scared (or at least very tense) for more than half its runtime. The part where the heroine is hiding from the killer in a house is incredible and unrivalled within the film, but there are also several scenes in the first hour that have a very good atmosphere! For me, a very pleasant surprise, I had already lost hope of ever having a positive reaction to an old Italian horror film. That said, all that nakedness still feels very cheap.