J*A*S*M

Weak B-movie bollocks. Did anyone expect anything better? Nobody can take this seriously – it’s clear that not even the authors wanted to. Turn off your brain and watch. And I think I will be avoiding dubbed films for a long time, because here it ruined every potentially scary scene, turning them into poor parodies. The look of the monster was also a problem, they should have kept it covered. 10%

I watched Razortooth with feelings that alternated between amusement, incredulity and disenchantment. Amusement over the eager performances of the actors, incredulity with everything the screenwriter managed to come up with, and disenchantment – and almost rage – because someone had the audacity to film that and present it to an audience. Basically, the only thing worth saying about the story and the actors is that they are awful. And the best for last: the most important part of every monster movie is, of course, the monster itself. In this case, it’s giant mutant eels that lurk for their prey in the water, behind shrubs, in rooms and, more often than not, in treetops… The quality of their design is somewhere between intended parody and a several decade old movie. The final fight of man against “man” gave me fits of laughter that lasted until the final credits and it’s the only reason why I will remember this film for a couple of days. Ignore it!

Ouch! This was painful. An hour and a half of several dumb students, one scientist and a badass Asian woman running around in a forest, while their numbers decrease in an uninteresting fashion due to some funny digital apes. If you haven’t seen this film’s flock of flies, you are missing something. Had the creators meant this as a comedy, I would give it one star for the scene where the monkeys piss on the tents and our heroes believe it’s raining (it was incredible :D). Otherwise, clear Boo!

A terrible vampire movie without a hint of tension or atmosphere. The opening scene gave some hope that the film would be at least average, but what follows it is just garbage. Better watch 30 Days of Night.

My god! I can’t help myself and I keep on watching films with below-par rating expecting a pleasant surprise. Cult is another great example of a fully wasted hour and a half. The atmosphere is nowhere to be found, the villain is laughable, the actors are bad and very unlikeable, and the story is silly, illogical and with loads of nonsense. But perhaps I’m being unfair, because I may have fallen asleep for a moment several times and thus missed some very important scene. In any case, I’m not watching this again. If anyone finds this film good and smart, please tell me so I’ll know I made a mistake and indeed fell asleep while watching it…

Very likely the worst film I’ve ever seen; believe me, I’m not exaggerating. If you want to find any interesting murders, an atmosphere, or logical behaviour in this “horror” film, good luck! The only thing it’s good for is to make you appreciate stuff which you once thought was bad. And if you feel like losing an hour and a half of your life, better buy a pack of cigarettes, the result will be the same, but getting there will be more bearable.

A horror movie without any horror at all. The story, which is not uninteresting, is told in such a boring way that it was hard not to fall asleep. There’s basically no gore or jump-scares and the characters are so repulsive that you wish them death, and when that happens, you don’t even get to see anything. A very forgettable film.

I don’t like films with NON-actors. I don’t like films with a lot of whiny and unlikeable kids. I don’t like boring films. I don’t like this film!

Before they started broadcasting Lenßen & Partner here, TV Nova said that it was a big hit in Germany. After watching a few episodes I came to two possible conclusions: A) The Germans have bad taste. B) TV Nova lies. Really, it doesn’t deserve more than Boo!

The hotel where they filmed is cool, but I’m not giving it a star because of that.