Necrotongue

Tommy Wirkola didn't hide where he drew inspiration for this film, and good thing he didn't. It's much better to make a movie as a tribute to something you love rather than just copy and pretend to be a proud creator. Similar to Wirkola's other crazy creations, this one isn't suited for the artistically inclined audience looking for deep reflections on today's burning questions. It's simply an old-fashioned massacre filled with frostbitten and rotting Nazis, where you can switch off all brain functions except the basic ones (if you don't want to risk suffocation). I wouldn't recommend it to the sensitive types, but for me, amidst all the blood and freely flying pieces of human anatomy, it was quite a ride. / Lesson learned: Watch out for snow. Especially if it's yellow.

Boss Level is a bit of a mixed bag for me. The theme is seriously worn out, but hey, all the action and fight scenes were shot brilliantly, and the main character's quips were pretty funny, so as an action flick, it'd get a solid four stars from me. However... the creators didn't stop there. They delved into a philosophical and psychological defense of life's true values, forcing the viewer to activate at least a part of their brain from relaxation mode. And right at that moment, the film stopped working for me because, in my opinion, it didn't need to be more than a straightforward action joyride. That cost it two stars. As an action romp with undemanding humor, 4 stars; with all those pontifications and Mel Gibson's drawn-out fable about a boar and a snake, just 2*+.

The second episode delivered a hefty dose of intrigue and manipulation, so I can't fault it, even though it didn't quite hit me with the same intensity as the previous one. With each new episode, I find myself amazed at how engrossed I can get in a story where there isn't really a truly likable character. Well, whatever the creators are aiming for, they've got me hooked, and I'm enjoying the ride.

So, what did I just watch? A romance or more of a psychological portrait of the main character? Probably a mix of both, but the truth is, after the first fifteen minutes, I was tempted to call it quits because I found myself somewhat bored. However, I stuck with it, and to my surprise, the film remained watchable despite its consistently slow pace. It didn't blow me away, but it wasn't dumb either, and I can comfortably agree with many of the ideas it presented. The overly drawn-out runtime is a major drawback, though, so I'll settle on a generous three stars. / Lesson learned: Take a moment to think before you judge someone.

What an awesome kick-off to the fourth season. Barely had it begun, and I was once again immersed in an atmosphere that gave me the feeling of being completely covered in disgusting, sticky slime while breathing in the stench of a slaughterhouse during a hot summer in the midst of a foot-and-mouth epidemic. If the creators can still evoke such strong impressions in me by the third season, they must be doing something right. / Lesson learned: Life is full of paradoxes. Sometimes, the higher you climb, the deeper you're in it.

While I'm not always keen on remakes, I don't outright dismiss them because every now and then, one comes along that I actually prefer to the original film (like Oscar). However, Přání Ježíškovi was, to my dismay, almost a perfect copy of the Polish original (itself loosely based on the British original), and I simply don't understand why this movie was made at all. Aside from zero creative innovation, my biggest issue was with the casting. Every time Richard Krajčo appeared on screen, I couldn't shake the image of Chewbacca; Elizaveta Maximová felt bland to me; Jiří Langmajer's presence must be there because of certain sponsors, and Anna Polívková simply isn't and never will be Agnieszka Dygant, even if she wears a similar hat. Maybe I've seen the Polish version one too many times, so this rendition left a sour taste in my mouth, and I think it should never have been made. / Lesson learned: Even customs officers and consumer protection agencies can be right. The original is the original.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into, only to find out in the opening episode that the series was primarily intended for women, preferably big on social networking, who don’t mind the occasional romantic (or even ordinary) cliché. The last time I checked I was still male, I have a negative attitude towards social media and I’m sick of melodrama, so I quickly realized that I wasn’t exactly the target audience. Despite all that (and it might be slightly overstated), I give it four stars, because mom and dad can be real proud of their "Genesis". Although the series had weaker or even downright poor moments, most of the time it was watchable (without putting too much strain on the brain). Most importantly, it was pretty relaxing and put me in a surprisingly good mood. I didn't even mind the multicultural cast, because it just belongs to Paris and Mindy Chen had great one-liners. I never thought I would say this, but I'm actually looking forward to a potential second season.

I decided to watch this film solely because Juno Temple was in it. And very quickly, I regretted my decision. Juno Temple's presence was the only positive thing I could appreciate about this film. I don't know if Sebastián Silva is just a hack or if he chewed on some indigenous herbs, but the result of his effort was something that, for me, was just a pointless waste of time and terribly boring. Sure, the creator can pretend it's an incredibly psychological film full of mystery, but I'm not buying into that. From my perspective, it was utter crap that I won't waste any stars on. / Lesson learned: Worried about losing track during a movie? Put on a headlamp.

I'm absolutely certain that the creators of this film were trying to convey something truly important. However, they did it in such a heavy-handed way that the strangely kaleidoscopic plot essentially lost my interest. The only strong, emotionally charged impression I took away from the whole affair was how utterly enchanting Carla Gugino looked here. The movie was powerful in that regard, but I think its original goal was something completely different. I don't know what it was, I'm not going to go looking for it, and I'm a bit dismayed at how many talented actors it took to create something so lackluster. / Lesson learned (For fans of Carla Gugino): Beauty is worth a hundred minutes of suffering.

Movies from Sandler's Happy Madison Production are known for their various moral messages, which lower the already weak quality of each film. This case was no exception. The script was particularly weak, so not even Colin Hanks and Emma Stone, actors I actually like, could save the situation. Maybe I'd be more generous in my rating if I were a fan of Playboy, but I've always been in Bob Guccione's camp, so I was more of a Penthouse guy. But I don't want to be a complete grump and killjoy, so I have to appreciate that the film taught me to notice the clink when someone drops a dollar, and how to not overstuff myself with Mahi Mahi when I can make do with just Mahi. / Lesson learned: Cats have sharp claws.