Necrotongue

If someone had told me face-to-face that Matthew Vaughn could make a movie that would disappoint me, I would have laughed them off. Well, not anymore. This movie was bad in so many ways. The script was desperately weak, and I can't fathom why Vaughn got involved. Sure, I can see the financial appeal, but did he really think it was worth it? Apparently, he did. Initially, it felt like a rip-off of The Man from Acapulco, and I definitely enjoyed the French version more. As the story unfolded, it took a different direction, which could have been fine if I had actually enjoyed the movie. But between the digital overload and the mostly unconvincing performances (except for Sam Rockwell, who couldn’t save it alone), I just couldn't find the fun. This movie just didn’t work for me. / Lesson learned: If you want to become a secret agent, train a cat.

The French filmmakers' approach to the second part of their story noticeably lagged behind the first installment but still felt like the best adaptation of Dumas's often nonsensical inventions. It seems one of the creators actually did some research on French history in addition to following the book, because Cardinal Richelieu didn't come across as a bloodthirsty power-hungry beast. I'm not saying that creative license wasn't involved, but that was okay since it wasn't a historical documentary. But... King Louis XIII's African godchild was really too much for me. The current politically correct propaganda increasingly reminds me of a totalitarian regime where you are told what to think because the party and the government hammer it into your head. / Lesson learned: You'd never believe how much action and dialogue someone with a broken back can pull off. 4*-

I already liked Jun'ichi Okada in Hell Dogs, so I was curious to see if I’d have just as much fun this time. I didn't. Well, I did, but not as much. I haven't seen the Korean original, so I can't compare, but I think the Japanese did a pretty decent job with the theme. After the first ten minutes, Yuji Kudo's day can basically be summed up by this joke: / A man is walking along the riverbank when he comes across a ten-year-old girl crying. "What happened, why are you crying?" he asks. "Both my parents drowned in the river just now," the girl sobs. "Girl, let me tell you, you're having a bad day," says the man, unzipping his pants. / If it wasn't clear from what I've written so far, Detective Kudo is like that unfortunate little girl in this scenario. Despite the grim premise, this thriller made me smile several times because it occasionally blurred the line between thriller and comedy, and in this case, I don't consider that a creative flaw. On the other hand, the Terminator-esque sequence in the last twenty minutes definitely was a creative misstep. If it weren’t for that, I would have given it four stars. / Lesson learned: If you're having a bad day, it's better to stay at home. 3*+